Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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