Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
