if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he shaved USA in his pubs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
