He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
