they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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