Are we in a gay sports bar?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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