Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize