I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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