it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am spending my child support on dildos
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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