So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
