My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
