You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
