just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
