i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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