I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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