It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize