I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
