before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
