dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
