Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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