Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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