how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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