Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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