It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
