I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize