please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
