I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
