My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
