You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
