I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
