My hand turned me down
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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