after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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