She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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