Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
