Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
