Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
