i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
