In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They are going to name an STD after you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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