my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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