How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you had me at cake vodka
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
