honey bunches of taint.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
