You're my little dorito
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
