I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
