I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
