my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
