I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish you could order shots online.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
