Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
