It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
