If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
