found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize