i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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