Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
