oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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