i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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