are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
