I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
