I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
