Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
