there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize