I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
