I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
