I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
