just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
