I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
