True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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