The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
