Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I could make wine with my vomit
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
