tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
