he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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