You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But break dance skills will only take you so far
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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