he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
