can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
