He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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