chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
are you so shy because you have an std?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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