whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
