ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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