Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
