I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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