i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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